Friday, September 28, 2012

A bad bus day.

Well, it happened.  I knew it would at some point.  I've been expecting it.

The day came that made me never, ever, ever as long as I live, ever want to take the bus ever again in my entire life.

It was Tuesday.  My mom offered to pick me up from school, but I figured, by the time she gets down here I could already be on the bus, so why waste her time, right?

Well.  Mistake #1.  The bus was 10 minutes late.

So that was a slight inconvenience, but I still had lots of time, and the weather was gorgeous so waiting outside wasn't so bad, so really, it was no biggie.

When it finally rolled up, I climbed up into the big ol' thing, flashed the driver my U-Pass like the expert bus-rider I am, and the first thing I notice is, holy shit, it frickin' STINKS in here.  I can't describe the smell.  I don't even want to try.  All I know is, it's nasty, I am starting to gag, and I'm wondering if I'll be able to hold my breath all the way home??

I start walking down the aisle, still overcome by the smell, and then I realize - there are no empty seats.  NO EMPTY SEATS.  I have to SIT with somebody.  I HAVE TO SIT WITH SOMEBODY.  It is bad enough when someone sits beside me, but now I have to go and sit beside someone else.  I do not like this.  I do not like it one little bit.  But my only other option is to stand, and I am not coordinated enough to stand on a moving bus; if I were to try that there's a good chance I'd lose my balance and land in someone's lap and if that ever happened I think I'd cry (as would the person I land on).  So, I did what I had to do: I chose the tiniest person on the bus to sit next to, and I hugged my bag tight to my chest and sat on the seat so that one ass cheek was hanging off, thus preventing any potential shoulder-bumps with the person next to me.  As per my own personal bus rules, I keep my eyes straight ahead.

I am not comfortable.  This is not fun.  I hope this guy gets off soon.  Also, I should really try and lose that last 10 pounds.  Maybe then my ass cheek wouldn't have to hang off the edge like this.

THEN, dude-with-a-skateboard materializes from the back of the bus, and decides he needs to talk to the bus driver RIGHT NOW.  I can hear him moving, so I break my rule (I'M SUCH A DUMMY!) and I turn my head to the side to look; and like it's in slow-motion and I'm powerless to stop it from happening, he grabs the pole behind me on his way past, and in the process HE TOUCHES THE SIDE OF MY FACE.

Now I'm really starting to freak out and am contemplating getting off at the next stop (or flinging myself out of the bus while it's still moving, whatever) and calling my mommy to come pick me up after all.

I manage to keep it together, and my seat mate gets off at the mall.  WHEW.  I lay my leg and my bag across the whole seat once he gets off, which I am aware is a total asshole move, but I don't care.

Then, the smell comes back.  What even IS that??!  Is it food?  B.O.?  Did somebody pee their pants back there?!  Is it ME??  Does nobody else smell this??  Can you open windows on a bus and stick your head out like a dog?  Because that's totally what I want to do right now.  I'm now silently choking on the stench, wondering what the driver would say about me climbing on the seat and sticking my head out the window, as the bus starts to head up a big hill.  Normally, the bus whips up and down the streets at warp speed.  But today?  Oh, no.  Today, we are CRAWLING up the hill.  Because of COURSE we are; why wouldn't the stinkiest bus ever, also be the slowest?!  I could've pushed the stupid thing and we would've gone faster.

Late bus.  Awful smell.  Had to sit with someone.  Got touched.  Went slow up the hill.

I might have to re-think my protest of $4-a-day parking, and drive to school every once in awhile...

1 comment:

  1. Hi I'm Heather! Please email me when you get a chance, I have a question about your blog! LifesABanquet1(at)gmail.com

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