Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Problem SOLVED.

I discovered today that I've TOTALLY been doing it all wrong.

This is another bus story.  Sorry.  But honestly, this shit just writes itself.

So we all know that my own personal bus rules include the following:

1 - do NOT look at ANYONE for ANY reason.
2 - do NOT, under any circumstances, TOUCH another person on the bus.
3 - do NOT touch the bars unless it is absolutely crucial to do so (for example, in the instance where the choice is either falling on my ass or grabbing the pole, I will grab the pole).
4 - keep a neutral, not friendly but not unfriendly, expression on my face.

And lately, like the last two weeks, I've been having this problem where people are choosing to sit with me.  In every single instance to date, there have been other available seats on the bus - in some cases, actually, MANY available seats.  But for some reason, they are gravitating to me.  C says it's because I'm pretty.  I love C.  Friends who blow sunshine up my ass are totally my favorites.

Anyway, whatever the reason, I'm kinda over it.  I don't like people sitting beside me.  If they have no choice, fine.  But there is ALWAYS another choice.

So, I tried a different approach today, and I realized something:  #4 IS ALL WRONG!!!!

Today, instead of remaining neutral, I decided to try keeping my face in a sort of angry, unfriendly scowl-y expression.  AND IT TOTALLY WORKED!!!!

The bus this morning was the fullest one I've been on yet.  And guess who had a seat to herself?!  That's right - this girl!!

I tried it again on the way home, and IT WORKED AGAIN!!!!

Let me be clear, first of all, nobody is required to stand when I am making my scowl-y mean face.  Everyone still has a seat - it's just not with me!  Also, it needs to be noted that I am not looking directly AT people with this ugly look on my face.  I just kind of plaster it on and stare out the window or straight ahead.  So I'm not actually being directly mean to anyone; I just have a look on my face that clearly says, if you sit beside me I WILL TOTALLY FREAK THE F OUT SO YOU JUST BETTER NOT!!!!

I'm so glad I discovered this.  I actually can't wait til Friday when I can try it again.

I might need Botox by the end of the school year, but really?  A small price to pay.

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