Sunday, November 18, 2012

I don't understand zombies.

I totally love having my back massaged.

So, LUCKY SHAWN, whenever he is in his Calgary-Flames-Barfed-In-Here-Man-Den, kicking back in his leather recliner, watching his PVR and trying to relax, I slink quietly to the door, stand there super-quiet til he notices me, then I tilt my head all cute-like and open my eyes super wide and say in a super sweet and adorable voice, "will you pleeeeeeease rub my back?"  (I love that I say it's all "cute".  In reality I probably look like I'm having a stroke.)

Anyway, because he loves me and actually thinks I AM sweet and adorable (OK, it's either that or the fact that he knows damn well I'm not going anywhere til I get what I want, it's just a fight he won't win), he says "ugh.  Fine.  Sit down."  And he straightens up that fancy recliner and I sit on the floor and he rubs my shoulders.

Now, this obviously works for me, I get my massage, BUT the trade-off is that I have to watch some stupid show of his, like Family Guy or Game of Thrones or that new one he only watches because the hot girl from "Chuck" is in it, or that one with the zombies in jail.

Yeah, Walking Dead.  That's it.

So that's the one that was on tonight.

Me: "I don't get this.  Is he a zombie?"

Shawn: "Does he LOOK like a zombie?"

Me: "Well how the hell would I know what a zombie looks like?"

Shawn: "Zombies are dead.  It looks like a gross dead person."

Me: "Well that's stupid, why don't they make it so they can morph into something super hot, like on True Blood?"

Shawn: "Because this is not True Blood.  Now shut up."

I'm quiet for a minute.  But then I can't help myself.

Me: "Is that baby a zombie?"

Shawn: "NO!!  STOP TALKING!"


Shawn: "Why would I give you a bunch of detail about a show you don't care about??!"

Me: "I do care!!  Are they in jail?"

Shawn (with a MAJOR eyeroll, my back was to him but I could totally feel it): "Yes.  Zombie jail."

Me: "Do the zombies walk amongst the living?"

Shawn: "I mean it, STOP. TALKING. NOW."

I'm quiet again.

Me: "What is that guy doing in the jail?  Or lady?  Is that a man or a lady?"

Shawn (sighing in defeat, clearly I'm not shutting up.  Once again, I win): "It's a lady.  She is not a zombie.  The zombies don't know she's human because she is covered in zombie blood."

Me: "...what the hell!  This show is stupid!  Why doesn't EVERYONE just cover themselves in zombie blood, then they'd all be safe from the zombies and everyone could coexist peacefully!!!!"

That's about the time my massage ended.

I don't think the big eyes and cute voice are going to work next time.

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