Friday, April 29, 2016

In case you missed it - WE GOT A PUPPY!

Oh, the joy of clicking on that little orange button with the pen icon - the one that means, "hey, look at this, I'm totally writing a blog post right now!!"

Which is something I haven't done for two whole years.

And it's not for lack of shit to say.  Oh, lordy, do I have shit to say.

It's just that life is busy.

And that's, like, the lamest excuse EVER.

Life IS busy.  Wah wah wah.  I'm not special.  It's busy for everyone.  Parents, non-parents, working parents, stay at home parents, old people, young people, people whose kids are in every activity under the sun, and people whose kids are not.

We're all busy.

But I got shit to say.

I can't promise it's exciting stuff, or hilarious, or particularly interesting.  But it's been a hell of a week and I've finished it off with half a bottle of red (BIG BOLD RED, from California, to be's $9.99 a bottle with a screw top so baby, I'm sold) and frankly I just feel like vomiting words for awhile.

As I write this, Archie is in my lap, all curled up and sleeping adorably, as if he didn't just take a giant steaming shit on the floor for the second time today then stare at me as if I am the one with the problem here.

Archie is our brand-new, 10-week old puppy.

Because cluelessly, back in October, I was like WE SHOULD TOTALLY GET A PUPPY!!!

And hey, look at that, April rolled around and we got a puppy.  Shawn was all like, "are you sure?  Do you know how much work a puppy is?  It's like having a baby again..."  and I was like "BABIES ARE SUPER EASY, THIS WILL BE EASY, I MEAN REALLY, HOW HARD CAN IT BE, I'M CALLING THE BREEDER RIGHT NOW AND GETTING US ON THE LIST FOR THE EXACT DESIGNER PUPPY THAT I WANT!!!!" and Shawn was like, uhhmmm OK but have you really thought about this, I mean it's not a friggin' house plant, it's a living breathing puppy, and I'm telling you they are like a LOT of work?!  And I was like "I TOTALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT FOR LIKE 14 SECONDS WHICH IS A REALLY LONG TIME FOR ME PLUS I GOOGLE IMAGED THE ONE I WANT AND LOOOOOOK HOW CUTE IT IS!!!!"  And he was like OMG you're an idiot but fine let's get a puppy.

He's super agreeable that way.

Admittedly, there are times I wonder when he's going to get sick of my shit and I'm gonna have to go looking for a new husband.  BUT WHATEVER, because I got a puppy.  So there's that.  My new husband will probably totally dig him.  A tiny little red-haired Cavapoo is solid man-bait, right??

Shit, I just realized that when Shawn ditches my ass, I'm gonna need a lot of help in the man-bait department.

Anyway.  Moving on.  In the two short weeks that we've had our little Archie, I can honestly say we have all fallen madly, crazily, wildly, head-over-heels in love with him.  He shits on the floor daily, and he bites on my favorite TV-watching blanket, and the cat that we've had for 14 years totally hates him and is silently and evilly planning the ways she is going to rid this house of this four-pound terror...but man, I'm telling you, his presence in this family is a game changer.

It's hard to stay wound-up after a crazy workday when I come home to him.

My 9-year-old son suffers from minor anxiety and there's no better anxiety-buster than a 4 pound ball of fur.

My 11-year-old daughter and her #squad (isn't that what the cool kids are calling "friends" these days??) are obsessed with him, and I believe plans are in the works to create his own Instagram page.

And my husband lets him sleep on his pillow, right beside his face - he won't even let ME do that (though really, he's kinda drooly and rather hairy so why would I want to share his pillow anyway?!)

Like I said.  Game changer.

Unfortunately, the housebreaking process thus far has been a nightmare.

Here's hoping our darling Archie gets his shit together (pun intended) before I turn 100.