Sunday, June 3, 2012


This weekend was a little bit crazy.

It was the annual Errol Wild Memorial Soccer Tournament, which means each of my kids had two soccer games per day.  On top of that, AJ had two lacrosse games in Armstrong on Saturday, so we needed to make a decision about what to do.  In the end, because the lacrosse season is short and those games were the last of the season, we decided to skip soccer on Saturday and head to Armstrong for the day.  After AJ's last game ended shortly after 2:00, my dad and Shawn decided to stay in the Okanagan and play a round of golf.  They headed off to Vernon, I took the kids to a park for a bit, then we grabbed some ice cream cones and $1 drinks from McD's and headed home.

All was well with the world.

We rolled in to the driveway at about 4:30.  The kids wanted to go swimming, which sounded good to me.  So, the three of us got our swimsuits on, packed up our swim bag, and were just about to head out, when for some reason, and frankly I don't even know why I did this, I looked at the soccer schedule.

Mackenzie had a game at 5:45.


I did not know this, because I am a dumbass who didn't bother to check the soccer schedule for Saturday.  I knew we would be in Armstrong for the day and just had it in my head that that meant we wouldn't be able to make any soccer games on Saturday.  Now, I want to kick myself.  Hard.  WHY DIDN'T I CHECK!?  I have no idea.  But I didn't.

Again: SHIT.

So my first instinct, to be completely honest, is to just ignore it - we're all ready for swimming, it's been a long day, and I had already planned for no soccer on Saturday.  As we load into the van, I very quickly fluctuate back and forth in my head between: "bad mommy!!  Your kid has a responsibility to her team, and she doesn't even know there's a game!" and "bad mommy!!  AJ is going the freak the f*** out if you suddenly tell him we can't go swimming, and you know what, you deserve it!"  I suddenly decide, with a flash of conscience, that I need to at least tell her that she has a game.  So I turn around and say, "Mackenzie, it turns out you have a soccer game at 5:45.  We can make it to that one.  It's your choice, I know we didn't plan on soccer today so it's up to you."

She immediately says, "I want to go to soccer!!"  And, as predicted, AJ immediately starts screaming his bloody head off.

At this point, it's 4:50 and we need a half hour to get to the soccer field.  So Mackenzie gets out of the van to come inside and eat something and get ready.  AJ, however, refuses to get out of the van.  He's sitting there in his booster seat, with his seatbelt on, wearing his bathing suit and holding his goggles, and believe me when I say this kid is about fifty different kinds of pissed off.  If I didn't feel so bad, it would have been hilarious.  He wants to go swimming, dammit, and Mommy PROMISED we'd go swimming, and WE ALREADY HAVE OUR BATHING SUITS ON, and HE IS ABSOLUTELY NOT GOING TO MACKENZIE'S SOCCER GAME, HE IS GOING TO THE POOL IF HE HAS TO HITCH A RIDE WITH A TRUCKER TO GET THERE AND HE DOESN'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He spent the 20 minutes we took to get ready for soccer, screaming in the van.  Sorry, neighbors.

I spent the 25 minute drive to the soccer field trying to talk him down.  "AJ, this is totally Mom's fault.  I made a mistake, I forgot to check the schedule, I am REALLY sorry.  We are going to your sister's game and we can't go swimming.  You have every right to be mad, but Mackenzie had to watch two of your lacrosse games today and now you have to watch her play soccer, I'm sorry I didn't know about the game, we all know Mommy's not all that bright sometimes.  We will go swimming another day soon, I promise."

Then, even thought it's a little inappropriate, I decide to try and get a smile by using a word that is always guaranteed to make him laugh: "You know what buddy, I already had my bathing suit on too, and you know it's hard work for me to get my bathing suit on because I have a big ass!"

AJ does not think I am funny at all.  And Mackenzie, my sweet, darling little girl, seizes this golden opportunity and says, "Oh, you know what mom, you REALLY do!!  I mean it, like it is SO wide, really, REALLY wide, I don't even know how you ever found a bathing suit that would go up over your huge butt!"

We made it to the soccer game.

We didn't go swimming.

AJ stayed mad at me until this morning.

My ass is still the same size.

Last night, I had wine for dinner.

I am so glad this weekend is over.


  1. We love your blog - Ryan and I get a good chuckle out of it. Keep up the awesome writing!

  2. Thanks guys!! Glad you enjoy it!