Saturday, April 21, 2012


The fair is in town this weekend.

I HATE the fair.

I have convinced myself of a lot of things when it comes to the fair: I am convinced they don't put the rides together properly and that one day something's going to break with my kid on it.  I am convinced that nothing ever gets cleaned properly and that there is hepatitis just crawling all over everything and we're all going to get some awful disease from the filth.  I'm even convinced that those disgusting stuffed animals you win after playing the games are filled with, like, asbestos or some shit like that.  I hate the carnies buckling my kids into the rides.  I REALLY hate how filthy it is.  I hate the disgusting smell of that awful grease that they cook everything in.  I hate how expensive it is, and that we're in for a good fifty bucks just to take the kids for an hour.  But try as I might to convince the kids otherwise - "We could go out for dinner instead!  Or we could go spend $50 at Toys R Us!  Or go to the Wildlife Park for the day, come on, that would be so fun!  WE COULD DO ANYTHING YOU WANT THAT COSTS $50 JUST PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T CHOOSE THE FAIR, I WILL DO ANYTHING, SERIOUSLY, I HATE THAT PLACE!!!!!!"

No dice.  We're off to the fair this afternoon.  Sigh.

I will have a giant bottle of hand sanitizer with me.  And maybe a squirt bottle full of bleach.  And I might be wearing gloves and a mask.  Or a hazmat suit.

Too much?

I don't think so.

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